We can all think of people as a huge source of stress in our lives. We can feel that others are controlling our lives, or putting to many demands on our lives, they don’t care about us or our feelings. The real problem is that some of these people are close to us and we may even live with them or work with them. The problem is there is no avoiding them. The confusing part is some of the people I’m having problems with I love deeply. Regardless, the real truth is that psychological stress arises from our interaction between us and the world. It is essential for us to take responsibility for our part in the relationship between people; it is our perception, thoughts, feelings, and behavior that I have control over, no one else’s.
Over time we develop deeply ingrained ways of dealing with interpersonal unpleasantness and conflict. These habits are usually established and often are inherited and molded by our parents. Some people are so threatened by conflict, or dealing with angry feelings they will do anything to avoid dealing with the conflict. Other people may deal with there insecure feeling by creating conflict wherever they go. They view interactions with other people in terms of power and control.
The one thing we have to remember is that good relations with people is essential to happiness. It is in this sense that life is fair. We don’t need to have a lot of money and in a lot of cases, people who enjoy close relationships with others are happier than people who have a lot of money. Relationships are based on connectedness. When people communicate and exchange perspectives, this sets the ground work for intimacy and open honest communication; this is an absolute essential element in any close relationship. It is essential to recognize my barriers that are preventing me from having close relationships with others.